In the lab - the *only* thirteen spring training takeaways that matter…
Ahh…Spring Training. On the list of things that people love to pretend to care about, spring training lands somewhere just above “Russell Westbrook wore that to his post-game presser!?!'' and just under “Pete Davidson texted Kanye what!?!” Essentially 85% of what happens in spring training doesn’t matter, yet people still find a way to care way too much about it. Wait, am I describing high school?
Look, if you missed spring training this year, good for you. I mean…what kind of loser would willingly sit around and watch thirteen of the fifteen (TV available) spring training games, and track the other two on game cast? (This is a cry for help). While you went “outside” and “interacted with people” to “have fun”, I sat in my room and watched minor league quality baseball. No need to be jealous!
Feel like you missed out, right? Well, don’t worry…I got you covered. Included below are the only fourteen takeaways that matter from this spring training. Sure, you didn’t get to watch Judge hit a ball 500 feet to dead-center or witness the JP Sears Show, but you’ll know everything there was to know about spring training 2022 by the end of this article.
So as the late Heath Ledger as the Joker in The Dark Knight, circa 2008 would say…” And Here. We. Go.” (Let me pretend it’s still March)...
1. Uhhh? No injuries?
Are we sure these are the Yankees we’re talking about? (knocks on wood) This might be the first year that we’re going into the season (hesitates briefly) full strength! (braces before slowly opening up twitter, half expecting Judge to have been struck by lightning in the past three minutes). Whew! If someone gets injured before first pitch on Friday, I’ll just excommunicate myself to Milwaukee Brewers twitter (shudders).
In all seriousness though, this one fact means that we had an undefeated spring training. We won’t have to awkwardly clap as Luke Voit hobbles onto the field during Opening Day introductions. We won’t have to watch J*y Br*ce “play baseball” as his forty-year-old grandchildren watch from the stands. We won’t even have to argue the same “when Sevy comes back…” point every day. That’s for Red Sox fans to deal with this year! For once, we’re the healthy ones. (winces)
2. I want to grab a beer with Gallo
Or a couple of shots. Or maybe a nice bottle of Rose. What do you think Joey drinks? (After sadly contemplating this for twenty minutes) I’ve concluded that he probably sips a sophisticated scotch, as he talks up a girl at the bar about the beauty of wRC+ and how the shift has ruined baseball. What a lady-killer!
Joey Gallo is just the absolute best. He possesses my two favorite qualities in people, which are self-awareness and insensitivity. He can laugh at himself, and his mic’d ups were absolutely electric. Sadly, Gallo is always going to be unaccepted by a large portion of the fanbase simply because they don’t (and aren’t willing to) understand the beauty of his game. It’s up to us to bang his drum (pause) even harder to offset the negativity, because he doesn’t deserve it.
Also, to both MLB and the Yankees…can we get more mic’d ups please? The NFL does them weekly, and I’d inject every single one into my veins. I know I’m not alone, either. It only takes one look at how viral the Julio Rodriguez call-up video went to see that we’re starving for behind the scenes baseball content. NOTE: This message has been approved by MLB fans everywhere…
3. YES crew stock up?
The YES crew’s stock might be up after this spring training. And they can thank the Orioles, Blue Jays, and ESPECIALLY Tigers announcers for that. Let’s not get it confused, Kay and the crew still scored somewhere in the C+/B- range, but that goes up to an A- if we’re grading on a curve. I mean some of these other booths are absolutely brutal (again, I’m looking at you Tigers). At least the YES crew doesn’t botch every other name, sit silently for thirty seconds at a time, or analyze the game like it’s 1996..(actually Paul O’Neill does that)...
As for the new members of the broadcast, I’ll give Maybin a C- and Beltran an incomplete (this will go one of two ways depending on if Judge gets an extension this week). Here’s the thing with Maybin…he’s just too nice. He’s the guy that stands around at the casino while everyone else gambles, and makes comments like “you almost had it!” after you lose $100 on a blackjack hand. He’s an “aww shucks” guy, which isn’t usually a big deal, unless you have a job where you get paid to be interesting.
I’ll give Maybin a little more time…he could’ve just been nervous. But usually, it’s love at first listen with the great commentators. You can’t hear Romo, Gus Johnson, Don Orsillo, or Joe Buck (He’s elite) for more than two minutes without realizing they have “it”. Again, as for Beltran, you’re on the clock buddy. No one misspeaks like that for three minutes…
4. Higgy Steroid Success
This is a safe space, right? I’ve hated Higgy for the past two years. Now, in my defense, this hate was coming out of a place of love for my favorite player (I miss you, El Gary). It’s one of those situations where you hate someone because you know your boy hates them, even if you barely know the guy (sorry Kevin from the JV lacrosse team). It’s hatred by association, if you will. It’s like Lily’s “you’re dead to me” look in How I Met Your Mother (shoutout to all four of you that got that reference).
According to Google, “Spring is a time for renewal, growth, and expansion”. It’s a sign of the times. I’m ready to move on, and accept Higgy as MY starting catcher. It won’t be easy, but I’m willing to try (take notes Gallo haters). As for Higgy’s spring training rampage, there’s four possible explanations…
(-140) He went the Robinson Cano route and took steroids during the lockout
(+150) Dillon Lawson is the greatest hitting coach in league history (He could’ve fixed Gary…)
(+210) Josh Donaldson actually came in and helped since they have similar swings
(+9000) He’s feeling more confident now that Gary is gone and his role is more secure
I’m sorry…I won’t hear any narrative that concludes Gary Sanchez leaving was good for the Yankees (at least for now…give me some more time, ok? Like I said…safe space). As for the other three options, I’ll hit a parlay on them and say they all played a factor. Hopefully the hot streak can continue into the real season.
5. Banuelos Bump Day
If you told me that one of Manny Banuelos, Randy Johnson, or Pedro Martinez were reporting for Yankees camp, I would’ve picked Banuelos last. Seriously, I did a spit take of my propel (free ad) when I tuned in and saw Manny mowing down hitters left and right. I’m already starting to consider that Matt Blake could turn him into Nestor 2.0, a crafty lefty, still dominating despite the slightly lower velocity.
This is honestly just a great story all around. I wish he had made the team for opening day, if only because it would’ve been fun to see what kind of ovation he would’ve received. [RANDOM MANNY BANUELOS MEMORY ALERT] I remember coming in from playing capture the flag once, pouring a huge glass of cranberry juice with ice, and sitting down to watch Manny Banuelos pitch vs. the Phillies in spring training like eight years ago. (Don’t ask me why I remember that, it’s just one of those random moments that I can perfectly picture).
Eight years later he’s still doing it, while I can barely play basketball for half an hour without feeling sore. Go Manny! (Also, while we’re at it…can we give Tim Lincecum a call?)
6. Matt Blake’s Arm Barn
Matt Blake is a prodigy. He’s Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting, minus the “weeid bahstawn acksent” (come to think of it, Aaron Boone also kind of reminds me of Chuckie). By the way, how is there not an app that translates writing to different accents? Seems like an idea that Matt Blake would come up with. And yeah, I’m gushing. And no, I won’t apologize. I’m a proud, devout follower to the teachings of Blakeanity.
I’m not sure if a coach has ever received a blank check, but we might be entering that territory here (ignores John Gruden). I mean EVERYONE was throwing gas this spring training. I’m pretty confident that Matt Blake could bring Matt Harvey to his lab, and by the time it takes Zion Williamson to run a mile on the treadmill, the “Dark Knight” would have returned to Cy Young form.
Mandatory weekly reminder that we used to employ Larry Rothschild…
7. Are Volpe and Peraza busts?
Relax…It’s a joke!
8. Isn’t Rizzo supposed to be a platinum defender?
This was one of the few negatives that I saw this spring training. Is this a case of Yankees fans having a higher standard than the rest of the league, or is Rizzo declining defensively due to age? I know Cubs fans like to say they play in a “big market” but let’s grow up…your mascot is a teddy bear. After the 2016 World Series, Rizzo could’ve played worse than Red Sox Pablo Sandoval, and we wouldn’t have heard one complaint.
Unlike hitting and pitching, I actually put some value in defensive output in spring training. It doesn’t take any tuning up to go out there and catch the ball. I’m just asking you to clean it up a little Rizzo, because we (finally) have a competent backup waiting in the wings (get it, wings!)...(I’ll see myself out)
I was going to write an entire piece on Greg Bird, but then I realized there’s (probably?) more to life than writing 2,000 words about a minor leaguer. My official thoughts on the move is that we desperately needed a new divisive player in this organization after losing Gary, Tyler Wade, and Heandog this offseason. It’s not fun when everyone agrees on every player. I guess Gallo will be that guy for awhile, but I’m hoping we can see a Bird call up by mid-June. A Yankees Twitter Civil War is in the works: brother on brother, DRS enthusiast on OAA enthusiast, Velazquez truther on Gallo truther…I can’t wait!
9. He's backkkkkk!!!
Welcome back to our ace #2, Luis Severino! It was emotional when he returned last year, but the best compliment that I can give to Sevy is that seeing him out there pitching is becoming more and more normal.
Last year was tough. I know I wasn’t the only one wincing with every pitch. It’s like when you’ve already secured your fantasy football win and your star RB is playing on SNF. You could care less about the results…you’re just hoping his leg doesn’t get twisted like a rotisserie chicken.
I’d like to caution people that Sevy will most likely struggle to start the season. This doesn’t mean he’s “cooked” or that the Severino we all fell in love with is gone forever. Like everything, we just have to be patient as he works his way through the process. Jameson Taillon struggled out the gate last season as he came back from injury, but he eventually figured it out. Sevy will do the same.
This is also why I wish Cashman would’ve gone out and gotten a number two this offseason. It would have alleviated a lot of the attention and pressure that Severino is going to face, but ultimately, I believe he’s up for it.
10. Name Judge captain already!
Between hitting a bomb to right-center field seeming once a game, clearing the damn batter’s eye vs the Pirates, and fielding endless extension questions better than the press secretary from Designated Survivor, is there anything else this guy could’ve done to earn a deal? (insert vaccine joke) We are currently (as I’m writing this) forty-eight hours from Opening Day introductions, and I want need to hear, “Batting second…and playing right field…the captain, number 99…Aarrronnn Judgeeeee!!!” Is that too much to ask?
Now brace yourselves, because this is a totally non-analytical or rational take, but I genuinely believe that naming Judge captain would improve the Yankees World Series chances. It’s just easier when external problems are resolved, and everyone knows their role, you know? Imagine sitting down to study for an upcoming exam and receiving a “We need to talk” text. Yeah, absolute zero studying is getting done. Your attention would be anywhere but on the Econ textbook sitting in front of you (hypothetically speaking of course).
Most of the time, I understand and agree with the whole “contract year” argument. I mean…we’re going to see it with Gallo this year. But Judge is the leader of the team, the presumed captain. An extension would do wonders in calming the category five New York media storm that’s brewing. Just get it done, Cash. (Still looking at you, Carlos Beltran)...
11. No more DJ leadoff!?!
Hand up, I buried the lead on this one. This is actually the number one takeaway from this spring training, so congrats if you made it this far. DJ LeMahieu leading off was an epidemic. It’s like going to see a new blockbuster superhero movie, and the first ten minutes are spent on two doctors exchanging notes about the formula. By the time you see the first explosion, you’re already done with your fifteen-dollar popcorn and just fighting to stay awake.
Name any action movie ever. Indiana Jones? Start with the boulder scene! Star Wars? A fight with Darth Vader! Even Frozen has Elsa knockout Anna in the first five minutes! Now the 2021 Yankees? Begin every game with a groundout to second base (sigh). And yes, DJ will still leadoff multiple games this season…but it looks like it won’t be every day anymore. Instead, pitchers will have to deal with the much, MUCH scarier Donaldson.
Also, this isn’t a total slight at DJ. I love him in the six-hole. He’s basically going to be the Yuli Gurriel of our lineup. How many times have we seen the Astros run the “Brantley single, Bregman pop up, Alvarez walk, Tucker strikeout, and Gurriel bleeding single to score a run” play. It’s almost as automatic as the “bat Altuve in any clutch spot vs the Yankees” play.
12. We didn’t learn the Gleyber SS lesson…
I’m not going to freak out…yet. But if he’s our opening day shortstop…expect a rant.
13. Stanton is a good defender!
Stanton playing the outfield has been a hot button topic on Yankees twitter for years now, and rightfully so. Personally, I probably lean towards the “let him play the outfield. It’s not like running after a few fly balls in three hours is going to drastically increase his injury risk” camp. It just opens so many great possibilities for this team. (It’s also the only way I can see DJ getting his 500+ promised ABs).
And here’s the thing…he’s a good defender! No one’s going to confuse him for the second coming of Willie Mays or anything, but he kind of reminds me of Jeff Francoeur-light. I don’t know if anyone’s ever played Mario Super Sluggers, but Stanton is like that big red flower. It doesn’t move around that well, but it spits the ball out with ferocity and precision. At the very least, Stanton will keep runners at bay on the basepaths. It’d be really nice if we saw him out there for 50+ games in 2022 (although I’d bet the under at that number).
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So there you have it. After spending the past Five? Ten? (I don’t know your reading speed) minutes reading this, you now know everything there was to know from Spring Training 2022. And I don’t know about you guys, but I’m ready for the real thing…
